While I'm waiting

My children’s demands often drive me to my wits end.  My sweet little three year old is nothing if not persistent. 

“Mom, can I watch a TV show?” “After school.”  “Mom, can I watch a TV show?” “After school.”  “Mom, can I watch…”  “Did you hear my answer?  It’s not going to change.”

Or

“Mom, can I have milk?” “Yes” Getting cup from the cabinet. “Mom, can I have milk?” Pouring milk into the cup.  “Mom, milk?” Heating milk in the microwave.  “Mom!”

Oh, poor child, she gets that straight from me (God bless my husband).  Only, she’s 3; I’m 31 (for a few more weeks) and I still have not learned to take an answer and wait. 

“God, tell me what we should do.” “Wait.”  “God, ok, I can wait.  Just tell me how it will end.”  “Wait.”  “But God, what exactly am I waiting for?” “Wait.” “God, do you mean sit and wait or do something while I wait?” “God, I don’t hear You.  How do I know I’m trusting you for the right thing?”  “Just trust.”

Wow.  I treat God so much like my 3 year old treats me.  Begging and pleading although He’s given me an answer.  Persisting in my petitions to change and control all while He works away at His higher plan for me. 

I’ve been praying over an aspect of my family life, claiming to want to be obedient to God’s will when what I’ve come to realize my heart is really wanting is control, His plan but on my terms. 

Last night I attended Outbreak, a study taught by Gari Meacham at my church.  I’m so thankful that God speaks to us each individually through His servants.  Gari read the story of Peter jumping out of the boat during a horrendous storm but being distracted by the waves and losing sight of Jesus.  She was talking about the worship that ensued after everyone was safely back in the boat.  But God had a little different spin on that message for me. 

So I’ll call this situation I’ve been praying over a storm….an apparent problem that needs a solution.  However, just like Peter in Matthew 14:13-33, I keep taking my eyes off Jesus, distracted by the waves.  I’ve been so focused on measuring the waves and the wind gusts of the storm and predicting the aftermath that I have forgotten to worship Him while I’m amongst the waves.  I've been seeking answers to questions rather than seeking the face of Jesus with a goal to be more like Him

On Sunday, our Bible study teacher, David, talked about Romans 4 as trusting Jesus for our salvation through grace is related to our trusting Him for our earthly provision.  If we can trust Him in the biggest thing – eternity – why can’t we trust Him in the “little” things on earth (where they seem big)?  During his lesson, he touched on James 1.  I read the first few verses but all day yesterday my brain kept coming back to James 1.  Thank you, Holy Spirit, for not letting go.   So finally last night at the end of Gari’s teaching she allowed a few moments of time for quiet, individual worship.  Most in the room were praying, but I was pulled back to James 1 which I finally read in its entirety. 

Here’s what I gleaned:

            V3 testing produces endurance

            V4 endurance’s perfect result is for me to be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (my ultimate goal)

            V5 ask for wisdom, He gives generously and without reproach (He’s not trying to hide from me)

            V6 when you ask, ask without doubting

            V13 no one is tempted by God, He cannot be tempted by evil and He doesn’t tempt anyone (He’s not trying to lead me astray)

            V17 every good gift comes from God (opportunities included)

            V19 be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger (can’t talk and listen at the same time)

            V22 prove yourself doers of the Word, not just hearers (move on what I know to be true)

            V27 keep yourself unstained by the world (remain faithful to the Truth)

On the way home from coaching at the gym this morning, I turned off the radio and was just meditating on the messages I heard over the past 2 days:   Trust God (Rom 4) in the storms (Mt 14).  He is working on my heart (endurance) by giving me just enough wisdom for today (Jms 1). 

Then out of no where the song, “While I’m Waiting” by Matt Waller, starts running through my head.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I can now see God is not yet asking me to take the BIG step.  He's not as concerned with the outcome of my storm as the maturity of my heart through the storm.  My obedience is to be obedient moment by moment, trusting and patiently waiting while He prepares my heart and matures my faith.